i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize