Tell her she can't have a vagina
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
