Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize