Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
