im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
