Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
