my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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