YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
In America we eat man semen.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
