end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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