don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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