drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
