I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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