I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
