nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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