and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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