Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
