Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
