so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
