I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
