He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
