I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
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