My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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