You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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