remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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