Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
