I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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