Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
