the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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