She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
