I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
