I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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