You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
