Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
