PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
