I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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