On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize