I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
