he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
