I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
