what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
