You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
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