he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
