I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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