I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
