theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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