turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
