there's paper in my vomit.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
