It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
