I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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