She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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