I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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