If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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