Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
