so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize