hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
