Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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