Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
