I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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