Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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