I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
