Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
