Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
