Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
