best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
