my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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