real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
