My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
