Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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