I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
