We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize