i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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