Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i've created a new STD.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
