Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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