They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
