you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
