how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
