Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
