I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
