somebody snuck up and got me drunk
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize