and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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