im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
