I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
