i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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