I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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