he wants to bone in the snuggie
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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