There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Randomize
