I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
