addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
