she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He felt like a one man threesome
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
