i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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