considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
