Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
