twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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