there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
