I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
