She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize